【by Jacob Kaplan】
There are few major rituals within Judaism that organize the timeline and progression of an individual’s life. One of the most critical of these is the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a religious ceremony signaling one’s coming-of-age. However, not all members of the Jewish community have the same history and relationship with this rite. Once defined as exclusively for men, this ritual has gradually evolved to include female Jews as well. More recently, Reform (and Conservative to a lesser extent) synagogues have attempted to expand the ritual to serve as a site of queer affirmation. However, many Jewish communities across the world still seize upon the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as an opportunity to marginalize and exclude queer Jews, both implicitly and explicitly. Thus, this ritual can neither be defined as solely affirming or marginalizing to queer Jews, as its meaning continues to vary across time and space.
First, it’s important to provide a general understanding of the background and symbolism of the ritual. The Jewish text of the Mishnah first established thirteen as the age of transition into maturity for Jewish boys, while for girls this occurred at twelve. This time, which would later evolve to be called Bar (and eventually Bat) Mitzvah, not only signaled an entrance into adulthood, but the ability to read Torah and lead religious services, at least for men. Similarly, at this age, individuals became obligated to keep all of the religious commandments outlined in the Torah. However, the Bar Mitzvah did not begin to emerge as a true religious ceremony until the thirteenth century, in France. This practice existed exclusively for men, and was defined early on as a male rite. This is in accordance with much of the Jewish religion, which spends little time discussing the rites and traditions of women, in large part due to the early Rabbis being exclusively male (Hilton, 2014). But, throughout the course of the 1900s, the Conservative Jewish movement, as well as the Reform movement, began to introduce the formal Bat Mitzvah,
a female equivalent for this ritual (Introduction, (n.d.)). For reference, Reform Judaism emerged as a religious movement in the eighteenth century, and involved a reworking of the Jewish tradition based upon Enlightenment intellectualism and philosophy (Stern, 1973). By contrast, the Conservative Jewish movement began in the late 1800s by those determined to offer a midpoint between the more cosmopolitan Reform tradition, and the more stringent Orthodox practice (Karp, 1986). This evolution towards the creation of a Bat Mitzvah ceremony was greatly influenced by the broader societal context of first and second-wave feminist movements, as women began to assert their right to be involved in all aspects of society, not merely the domestic sphere (Introduction, (n.d.)). Whether for boys or girls, this ritual serves as an important public acknowledgment of an individual’s entry into adult life, and the accordant awarding of privileges and obligations (such as the ability to read Torah) outlined previously.
However, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, is an inherently gendered ritual, as outlined in the differential names for men and women, respectively. This reflects the rigid gender expectations in Judaism more broadly, particularly in more traditional sects such as Orthodox or Hasidic Judaism. Both of these communities emphasize segregation of the two genders in the religious sphere, and enforce a strict gender binary where women are confined to domestic spheres (Jewish, 2021). Thus, the Bar or Bar Mitzvah can function to reinforce pre-existing roles and norms in Jewish life, by highlighting the ‘intrinsic difference’ between men and women.
This ritual occupies spaces as both a private and public affair, with internal and external significance for Jews. As previously stated, it signifies religious maturity. Importantly, it also facilitates social inclusion, as only those who are Bar/Bat Mitzvah-ed can be counted in religious practices such as a Minyan (History, (n.d.)).
Some Jewish communities, Reform and Conservative in particular, have begun to adapt these rites to embrace gender inclusivity, allowing queer Jews to experience affirmation within these ceremonies. Synagogues have recently started to offer individuals the option of a B’nai Mitzvah, a gender-inclusive coming of age ritual. Typically, B’nai is the plural term for children, and has been adopted by transgender and nonbinary Jews as a Hebrew equivalency of they/them pronouns. In these B’nai mitzvah services, language is adapted, replacing all uses of Bat or Bar with B’nai, to ensure gender inclusion. These services offer an important opportunity for queer Jews to participate in the same religious rites as their cisgender-heterosexual peers. This serves to affirm the existence of queer people, and transgender and non-binary people in particular, in the Jewish religion. It is important to note that these ritual practices remain intact/unchanged besides the pronoun modification (Krueger, 2019).
Simply the inclusion of queer people in religious practice, whether by the individual transitioning to adulthood themself, or the leaders (cantors, rabbis, etc.) facilitating the ritual, can affirm queer identities within Judaism. This incorporation of queer Jews helps to affirm their autonomy, allowing them to take control over their religious identity. It enhances their religious personhood and power, and may provide them with a sense of belonging within their community. For example, allowing transgender people to undergo a Bar/Bat Mitzvah that corresponds with their gender identity can create a heightened sense of affirmation and gender euphoria (Harpaz, 2024). This highlights their intersectional identity, rather than forcing them to ‘choose’ their sexuality or religion, as many queer people often report feeling obligated to do so in order to have a place in either community.
This ritual can also offer an opportunity for affirmation of queer identities through queer interpretations of prayers and other religious liturgy. Contemporary texts such as the Queer
Amidah can highlight the importance of queer identity, and validate a full spectrum of expression of LGBTQ+ identity within Judaism. These prayers often include the reclaiming of queer or queer-coded religious figures such as Ruth, Naomi, David, and Jonathan, which can be incorporated throughout the service to affirm the presence of queer sexuality (A, 2014). These reinterpretations move beyond the mere tolerance of LGBTQ+ Jews and progress towards an acknowledgment of the unique benefits queer people bring to Judaism, as well as historical mistreatments they have faced, and continue to experience, particularly in more traditional Jewish communities.
Despite these affirming aspects, not all Jewish communities have embraced inclusive practices. In more conservative sects, queer Jews still face significant barriers to fully participating in Bar/Bat Mitzvah rituals, where rigid gender expectations continue to marginalize and exclude those who do not conform. In Orthodox spaces, men and women are physically separated during religious services (Mechitzah, (n.d.)). Similarly, for many traditional Jews, women do not have Bat Mitzvahs, or if they do, they are less formal affairs, and girls are not allowed to read from the Torah, among other things (Bar, (n.d.)). These distinctions serve to reinforce strict gender roles, and the divide between the public and private domains as male and female, respectively. Furthermore, many queer people do not fit into this rigid gender binary. Thus, these Jewish spaces and practices function to marginalize queer individuals, whether they are non-binary, or simply have less-traditional gender expression, such as effeminate men.
Bar and Bat Mitzvahs can serve as a central source of exclusion for queer people. In many synagogues, transgender people may not be allowed to perform the ritual corresponding with their gender identity. Moreover, non-binary people are often forced to choose one ritual or the other to engage in, or completely miss out on this rite. This choice regularly involves being
forced to comply with gendered expectations about clothing, behavior or prayers, that can induce dysphoria (Stances, (n.d.)). This is particularly painful given the consistent emphasis of the Jewish tradition on connection with one’s community. Furthermore, many synagogues may not include any liturgy that discusses the presence of queer people. By excluding transgender and non-binary people from this key rite, which symbolizes entrance into the adult Jewish community, queer Jews are permanently marginalized from broader Jewish society. This exclusion can also extend to the chosen family of queer Jews. Particularly in Orthodox/more traditional communities, LGTBQ+ Jews could be forbidden from bringing their queer peers to this important ritual, again encouraging marginalization.
The expectations of this ritual can also lead to queer marginalization. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a time of incredibly high pressure for young Jews. During this time, connections to one’s same-sex family members are emphasized, and individuals may be implicitly or explicitly coerced to suppress their queerness during the ceremony, particularly if it will be attended by less-tolerant extended family members (The, (n.d.)). This ritual coincides with a critical time of exploration for many queer individuals, which can have long-term consequences for self-conception of LGBTQ+ identity.
As illustrated, the Bar/Bat/B’nei Mitzvah ritual is a rather complex and potentially divisive rite of passage, due to its dual nature of both affirming and marginalizing queer identities. The particular meaning and emotional connotation of the ritual largely depends on the particular community/sect it is practiced in, with the ritual varying significantly across space. Throughout history, the coming-of-age ritual has gradually evolved to be more affirming and inclusive, first of women, and increasingly of queer identities. However, this ritual still facilitates significant marginalization of queer Jews, particularly in Orthodox and Hasidic spaces.
Furthermore, this change over time may simply reflect a mere tolerance of LGBTQ+ Jews, rather than active work to understand, support, and elevate queer voices. The dual nature of this ritual is further complicated by the fact that many Jews may simply lack access to congregations that are
more queer-affirming, and thus an individual’s geography can change their relationship with the ceremony. But, for those who can find a welcoming temple, such as those outlined in the Equality Directory from the organization Keshet, this ritual can offer a powerful sense of growth and connection, especially for transgender and non-binary Jews, who can find their identity uniquely affirmed via this practice (Equality, 2024). In time, this ritual may become more comprehensively affirming for queer Jews, but for now, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs obtain these divergent meanings and connotations, depending on their particular context and site of practice.
References
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